Every parent, at some point, feels the weight of trying to be perfect. You feel the need to be the ideal protector, provider, and role model, and it can be exhausting. Society, family expectations, and even your own beliefs can make you think you must control everything your child does. And when things don’t go the way you planned, frustration quickly follows. You react by becoming stricter and setting higher expectations, or focusing more on obedience than understanding. But perfection in parenting does not exist.

Parenting is about showing up and growing alongside your child. This is where British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott’s idea of the “good enough mother” becomes incredibly helpful. Winnicott believed that children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who consistently offer love and emotional safety. Mistakes are not failures; they are part of how children learn independence.

When parents chase perfection, they focus too much on controlling outcomes, i.e., what their child becomes, how they behave, or whether they succeed. In trying to “get everything right,” they may stop listening to their child’s emotional needs. This creates a home where children feel pressured rather than supported, and where connection gets replaced by control.

The “good enough” approach is different. It encourages balance. It reminds parents to pay attention to empathy. Empathy allows you to ask, How does my child see this? How do they feel? Am I understanding them, or just pushing my own ideas? A parent who embraces “good enough” doesn’t expect perfection from themselves or their child. They focus on emotional guidance.

Many parents unknowingly trade connection for control because of how they were raised. If they grew up in homes where emotions were ignored or authority ruled everything, they might repeat those patterns without meaning to. But Winnicott’s idea offers a way to break the cycle: choose presence over perfection, empathy over control, and understanding over judgment.

When parents lead with empathy, children feel safe to be honest, imperfect, and human. They learn it’s okay to struggle and okay to ask for help.

And remember: you are not God; that job is taken. For more insight into letting go of control and leading with compassion, Scott H. Silverman’s You’re Not God: That Job Is Taken offers powerful guidance for parents and caregivers alike.